GTAV: A city living simulator with hardly any redeeming qualities. Or characters.
I went into this one, like almost all others, completely oblivious to what the... software application was about or how you navigate the world or the story or anything else.
I found an uninteresting city living simulator. For a game titled 'Grand Theft Auto' where you steal many cars but can't really keep them or sell them, the whole concept breaks down almost immediately when you start... spending time in the software. Rockstar created a boring world populated by characters that probably couldn't pass a sixth grade English test. Or any other test for that matter.
I've completed 16 story missions, and I have to say, it's getting very difficult to want to play anymore. There is nothing here. There isn't anything to do that I care about. Wanna be a hardened street criminal? Go hang out on the Ferris Wheel with your homeboys, because that's what thugs in the hood do in their off hours from robbing and killing.
Wanna switch your main character to another main character and play as a high-level Italian bank robber? Sure thing! Go home to find your wife schtooping the local tennis pro! And then follow him to his house and tear down the balcony overlooking the cliffs with an ocean side view. But oops! that's NOT the local tennis pro who had your wife bent over your breakfast bars home - its a Russian mafiosos mansion!
...thats how the story starts. You now owe the mafioso a few million dollars for destroying his house. And I'm pretty sure I don't care how it ends. There's supposed to be yet another main character named Trevor that you switch out with, but I haven't even met Trevor.
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| This is the character Franklin. He is a main character. This is Franklin riding on a train around the city because there isn't anything else to do. |
After this spectacularly stupid error in judgment by Michael [the bank heist expert that's made millions figuring out how to get past bank security systems and vault locks], you can go bike riding with your son who sold your yacht for some spare cash but didn't get any cash. And you can go swim out to some random dude's yacht to pull your skank daughter away from being passed around by the owner dudes like a party favor.
This isn't really fun. At all. In fact, the entire plot and the characters seem to have been written by 6th graders at a school for special kids.
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| This is Franklin. He lives in the hood. He gonna gank some wheels and cap some crips! |
Let's talk stock market. Because the stock market is how you make money in this software called GRAND THEFT AUTO. You can be a billionaire! Just buy low and sell high. This can be manipulated by just saving the game every day and reloading when a stock starts to take a dip. Reload the last save and sell. I'm so bored by this that I'm not going to waste my time.
I really don't know what the draw is on this one. For me, it's a juvenile story with low-IQ characters in a world that doesn't have anything fun in it. I currently have no missions or anything else to do. So I stole a blimp. The local PD helicopters eventually shot me down. I also jumped a train and rode it for a long time, doing big loops around the city. I wanted to hijack the train, but I couldn't.
The only semi-fun thing to do is steal cars and drive as fast as you can around the city. I've probably wasted more time doing this than anything else. Too bad I can't sell them for cash so I can buy some cloths. And guns. And ammo. I am supposed to be a criminal.
Not sure I'll revisit this city of the dumb anytime soon. I'd rather waste time in Red Dead Redemption 2. That's a game, Rockstar.
So, instead of rolling the end credits, I'm rolling the start credits.
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| This is Michael. He found his wife having sex in the kitchen with the local tennis pro, so he used a tow truck to pull a Russian mob bosses house down off of a cliff. Not a smart guy. |
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| This is Michael again. Because Michael is stupid and starts the entire chain of stupid in this story. |
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| this is Franklin - still riding around the city because there's nothing else to do. |
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| The view from the boredom express. |
Would not recommend. F timewasters grade.